Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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