Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
