cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
