NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
