I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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