I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize