Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
