you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
