How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
