So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
