VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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