I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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