Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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