Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
