It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hippo gnu deer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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