Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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