My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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