I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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