everyone is single if you try hard enough
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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