Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
