just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
