Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You made out with two different species that night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
