This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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