pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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