do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize