He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
