Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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