this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize