Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
