we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
