i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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