Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
