Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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