McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
