I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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