My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
