On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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