All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
