he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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