uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize