so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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