totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i came on her dog
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
