im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
