Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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