Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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