i think my mom watched the whole time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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