we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
