We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
