Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize