ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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