Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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