i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
