dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize