i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
