i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
