by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize