At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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