I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
