yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
