Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
