A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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