Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
