yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
