babies were throwing up all over the place
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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