first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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