so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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