trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
