you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
